


Destiel Oneshots

by sodaguzzler



Category: Supernatural
Genre: CANON DEANCAS, Cas Winchester - Freeform, Castiel Winchester - Freeform, Dean - Freeform, Dean Winchester - Freeform, DeanCas - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, Destiel Becoming Canon On 5 November 2020 (Supernatural), F/F, Jack - Freeform, Jack kline - Freeform, M/M, SPN - Freeform, SPN season 15, Sam - Freeform, Sam Winchester - Freeform, Supernatural - Freeform, Supernatural Season 15, canon destiel, cas, castiel - Freeform, give cas a happy ending, i have a love hate relationship with the supernatural finale
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:02:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27619453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sodaguzzler/pseuds/sodaguzzler
Summary: This book is basically just a bunch of oneshots based around my now CANON otpsince all my works from 2017 on got deleted I decided I would write about Destiel one last time before the series finale tomorrow (Thursday the 19th)im going to write stories branching off from the canon universe, genderbent stories, and maybe some nextgen stories but im not sure.THIS BOOK WILL CONTAIN DEPICTIONS OF SELF-HARM AND SPOILERS FOR SEASON 15
Relationships: Castiel/Dean, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester/Castiel, Dean/Castiel
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	1. And I Miss my Loverman

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Slinky_Writes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slinky_Writes/gifts).



> credits to Eric Kripke for the original story of Supernatural  
> any and all similarities between my story and others works are all purely coincidental (all works here are my own)

CODA TO 15X18 "DESPAIR" 

Empty   
There was no one else in the dungeon of the bunker besides Dean and the whispers of what used to be.   
It felt like he had been sitting on the cold floor for days.   
He felt empty, which was incredibly, and tragically ironic.   
Dean managed to stand up, placing his hand on the wall he leaned against as he felt his knees buckle, threatening to collapse from underneath of him. Another sob made his throat go raw. He felt broken and sick to his stomach.   
One step forward, the wall seemed to vanish from underneath his fingers.   
How many chances did he miss?   
two steps.   
How many words could he have said to make the man he loved realize that he was worth more than he thought he did?   
three, four steps.   
How many times had he and the seraph been alone together?   
five, six, seven.  
Dean made it out of the dungeon quicker than he thought he would, trying his hardest to ignore the blood smeared over the door, the blood of-  
No.  
Dean could barely even think of his name, his face, his voice, the look he gave Dean as he was being swallowed whole.   
He could barely think of it without breaking down, crumbling to the floor and not getting up. Next thing he knew, he was in a bathroom, leaning against the doorframe and holding his arms close to his body.   
It was as if Billies hold on him was still there, gripping his heart and his lungs, making it almost impossible to move or speak or breath.   
But he knew that it wasn't Billie.   
He knew it wasn't going to be easy to get over that pain that grief and that suffering and that hurt.   
It was going to be impossible.   
Dean leaned forward and placed his hand on the sink, the cold material making him shiver as he looked up into the mirror, hating what he saw.   
He stared deeper into his reflection, seeing his green eyes with flecks of gold staring back at him. Deans breath caught in his throat when he saw it   
the bloody handprint on his shoulder.   
His hand shook as he gently ghosted his fingers over the dried blood, making the navy green material go brown and red.   
Dean swallowed a cry, knowing that he was too dehydrated for any tears to fall. But that didn't stop him.   
a quiet sob rocked his body causing him to collapse to the ground and run his hands through his hair and digging his nails into his arms,desperate to feel something, anything other then the lump in his throat and the nausea in his stomach.   
That was when he vomitted.   
Getting sick all over the bathroom floor.   
And then he cried.   
and then he cried.   
Dean cried for longer then he intended to, knowing that no matter how hard long he sobbed, no matter how many shots of alcohol he managed to consume without getting sick again, no matter how badly he wished this was all a vivid dream.  
It wasn't.   
This was real life.   
Castiel, the angel of Thursday, the one who had a crack in his chassis, the one who would be willing to bleed for the Winchesters at any point in time.   
Castiel, the self hating angel of Thursday who thought that he was never worthy of love, even though he was loved by many.   
Castiel, the angel whom Dean Winchester had fallen for in every single way possible.   
Castiel was gone.   
He was goen before Dean could get the three simple words out.   
"I love you."   
Dean whispered to no one.   
"I love you."  
The words that Dean wnated to say but was pushed into the wall and saved him yet again.   
I love you.


	2. Love me Soft, Love me Tender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER WILL CONTAIN MENTIONS OF THE UNCENSORED F-SLUR, R-SLUR, AND JOHN WINCHESTER  
> IT WILL ALSO CONTAIN MENTIONS OF PHYSICAL ABUSE AND ALCOHOLISM  
> soft(ish) Deancas one-shot since the last one was vvv sad  
> I ALSO JUST WATCHED THE SERIES FINALE AHAHAHAHAHA OWIE HOW ARE WE FEELING??????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Carry on Supernatural fandom  
> <3

It was late, much later than Dean had intended to stay up. 

It was around 2 am and he was in the kitchen staring blankly at a cup of coffee he made with absolutely no intention of drinking. It was odd, ever since Cas had been brought back from the Empty because of Jacks new-found Godly powers, he had been sleeping soundly.

"Dean?"

Dean turned slowly, absolutely melting when he saw Castiel standing in the doorway, leaning on the doorframe and crossing his arms. 

"Hey baby."

His voice was low and rough with sleep, watching as his lover made is way into the kitchen slowly. Cas threaded his arms underneath of Deans and hugging him from behind, his forearms resting in the dips of his hips. 

"What are you doing up? It's late."

Dean set the coffee down, aimlessly watching the steam rise. 

"Couldn't sleep."

He turned in Cas' arms, leaning against the counter and giving Cas a small kiss on his nose. The seraph gave his signature head tilt with a sad smile. 

"Any reason why?" 

He thought to himself for a few silent moments, about why in the world he felt so heavy all the time now. Why every step was harder to take, and why he always felt something in the back of his mind, gnawing and scratching and biting, trying to get its way into Deans every day life.

"Dean?" 

Castiels voice broke through Deans thoughts, he looked down to see Cas' chin resting on his chest with a look of concern and anticipation on his face, worry and wonder swam in those gorgeous breathtaking ocean eyes of his. 

"Nothing- nothing Cas...I'm just not tired." 

"You're lying."

Cas' tone took Dean by surprise, leading him to believe Castiel already knew what was wrong. He managed to worm his way out of his boyfriends grasp and distract himself with his cup of untouched coffee again. 

"What makes you say that?" 

Castiel sighed, turning and leaning his hands back onto the counter like Dead was just moments ago. 

"You stutter when you lie...at least to me." 

The elder Winchester attempted to swallow but his mouth went dry, he could feel Cas staring at him, awaiting an answer. 

"I don't know," 

Dean eventually spat out, knowing that he would have to go into more detail about his reasons for being up after hours. His angel sighed through his nose heavily and stood next to the hunter, staring down the sink and listening to the drops of water hit the cold surface. Cas turned the faucet off, a seemingly agonizingly loud squeak following shortly after. 

"I don't know...I've just been thinking a lot."

"About what?" 

The angel lifted his head slight to get a better look at Dean, to try and read his facial expressions and try to find something that would help him better understand what he was going through. He knew Cas wasn't trying to be pushy, he had good intentions, and he wanted Dean to be safe and happy and healthy. But with all the other good intentions Cas has had in the past, this one was gonna bite him in the ass. 

"I don't know okay?!" 

Castiel took a small step back, his head snapping back to the sink. They were silent for a few seconds, standing inches apart but feeling as if they were many miles away from each other. 

"I'm sorry."

Dean apologized quietly, Cas shook his head and made eye contact with him with a small smile. 

"Don't apologize, it was my fault...I shouldn't have asked." 

"No, Cas you should've...I was just being an ass about it..."

Silence

"I don't know why I feel like this Cas...I don't know why theres this pit in my stomach, why theres this feeling that won't go away no matter how hard I try to shake it-" 

Cas nodded slowly, worrying the inside of his cheek with a thoughtful expression on his face. Dean knew it wasn't easy, trying to piece together a humans thoughts and feelings and emotions. They were complex, they were hard to figure out even if they were things you yourself were feeling, but it was even harder to debunk these specific thoughts, considering Dean was an emotionally constipated mess. 

"I think of him sometimes."

Dean blurted out for no particular reason, Castiel turned slightly and pivoted on his right foot. 

"What do you mean?"

"Dad, I never really thought about it until recently...the things that happened to me."

He choked out, fiddling with his thumbs, picking at the skin and scratching at his arms. Dean wanted to feel something, something other than the weight on his shoulders for once in his life. He felt Cas grab his hand and take it in his own. 

"it's okay." 

The seraph stroked his thumb gently over the back of Deans hand. 

"He can't hurt you anymore--"

"He called me a faggot Cas...he called me a retarded faggot who needed to step back in line."

Dean heard his lover let out a shaky breath, he knew it hurt Cas just as much as it hurt him to speak about his father. The physical abuse, the emotional turmoil and the smell of alcohol as his drunk dead-beat dad screamed at him, screamed so loud his throat went raw the next morning. 

Dean remembered all of it. 

He remembered the nights where he would listen to his brother defying orders, something he and his unhealthy codependence could never do. 

He remembered the specific night where Sam ran away and left him in the toxic web that was John Winchester. 

He remembered the first time he thought about ditching, about not coming home after a hunt and leaving. Dean knew that his dad would catch him and drag him back home, which is why he never had the balls to go and do it. 

"The things your dad said about you, none of them were true you know? Everything I told you the day I-"

Cas stopped, maybe thinking that if he brought up the night when Deans life had hit rock bottom he would breakdown, and he was right. 

"Everything I said about you, thats the truth. Thats the person your father couldn't see, thats the person you grew up to be without him." 

The angel continued on his tangent, about what a great person Dean was and how beautiful he was inside and out. 

But his dads voice was louder, he could feel Johns hands on his wrists and smell the alcohol from his mouth and feel the hot breath on his face. 

John had an iron grip on Dean 

And he couldn't let go. He could still feel his fathers hands on his wrists like cold iron cuffs, he could still feel the helplessness he felt when John was barking orders at him, he could still hear the arguments between his dad and Sam in the other room, the way he had to piece his family back together before he had a chance to fix himself. 

Dean felt Cas' arms wrap around his middle, suddenly he was looking down from a birds eye view, his body wasn't his own and he couldn't move or speak or breath. 

Disassociation. 

Dean took a few deep breaths, repeating phrases in his head, over and over and over again. 

'you're safe, you're okay, this isn't real, you are okay.' 

And things felt right again. 

He felt whole. 

"He can't hurt you, Dean." 

"I know." 

"I love you." 

Silence. 

Dean absently scratched at his arm and bit into his lips. Cas, obviously catching him in his nervous habits, held Deans hand in his own once more. 

"It's late." 

The angel said softly. 

"I know." 

"You can sleep now, Dean. You don't need to think about him anymore." 

It would take some time, but Cas was right. 

"Goodnight, Cas."

And with that, they were gone, out of the kitchen and into the light. 

It was a new day, and Dean was excited to get up in the morning for the first time in forever.


	3. The One Thing I Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be from Castiels point of view, and it will be a poem of some sorts.   
> THIS IS ALSO A VENT   
> A SMALL VENT SO PLS TAKE THIS CHAPTER WITH A GRAIN OF SALT

Everyday I curse myself for not taking a female vessel, Dean Winchester 

Maybe if I were a woman you would love me the way I love you. 

But I'm not.

I could always change my vessel, but that would disrespect Jimmy's memory. 

you would never see me as a woman anyway. 

Remember when you took me to that brothel? 

Way back in 2009? 

I scared that poor prostitute because I didn't know how to talk to her, because I don't know how to talk to women. 

Because I am gay. 

we angels don't have a sexual orientation. 

or a specific gender identity.

But I know who I am. 

I am a gay angel who pulled his unrequited lover out of hell. 

I saw the way you looked at me. 

I saw the second glances. 

I saw the way you shifted your feet at just the right angle so that our shoulders would brush ever so slightly. 

I saw all of it. 

But it never meant anything in the end. 

I told you I loved you and never knew if you loved me back. 

I know you don't 

But it's okay, because I am happy just loving you. 

I am happy with the act of loving you. 

But I curse myself everyday for not choosing a female vessel before meeting you, Dean Winchester. 

I relived my greatest regrets in the empty. 

One of them, was not telling you I loved you sooner. 

Another one was not pulling your face close to mine and kissing you, showing you how much I care about you. 

The biggest regret though, the biggest regret that I relived there, was never choosing to be a woman. 

Because then maybe you would care about me just a little bit more. 

I am in love with you, Dean Winchester. 

And I always will be. 

But I am not a woman.

**Author's Note:**

> any suggestions for future stories? pls leave a comment


End file.
